Yesterday I attended the Module One focus group. Many interesting topics were raised, mainly surrounding the idea of 'synthesising' what we have discovered from Module One so far and how we can link it to our practice. The idea of being 'self critical' particularly stood out to me...
I watched a TedX talk by Steve Chapman who spoke about his inner critic as an alter ego. After receiving extreme criticism from his hero, his inner critic grew drastically. When he finally recovered from this knock back, he began an inquiry on his inner critic; what he looked like, what were his secret weapons and what stimulated his development. Instead of fighting this character, he learnt to dance with him and accept that this is part of being a fully functioning human being. (TedX Talk, 2017)
Even after the discussion yesterday, I felt concerned that my learning is not where it should be. My inner critic was telling me that others are achieving more than me, that my essay draft isn't good enough, that my artefact is off task and my portfolio won't be degree level. I often worry too much in certain situations, however once I have overcome this, I question why I worried so much in the first place. A former college teacher once told me that my worries demonstrates devotion. I have always held onto this idea but have never looked at it from a different angle.
When I think about how my inner critic developed, I am immediately drawn to the criticism I received throughout my professional training. Even from a young age I was told not to audition for certain colleges because I was not good enough (I'm glad that I chose to ignored this). Throughout college I received lots of criticism from tutors, then from casting directors. I have always aimed to take criticism with a pinch of salt; to accept corrections positively but not let them get me down. As successful as I thought I was at this, these comments fed my inner critic.
Chapman describes his inner critic as his 'creative nemesis'. When I reflect this on my practice, I don't fully agree because in some ways it encourages me to improve. As performers, we are our own business, therefore we need to work alongside our thoughts in order to improve and develop. My critical eye allows me to critique myself when working on professional jobs, even now as a TA. I feel that this is a good example of Chapman's idea 'dancing with the inner critic'.
My inner critic still lives within me and I have now realised that it is an important part of who I am by demonstrating that I care. I could certainly aim to be less self critical when it comes to my current learning, but maybe this is a source of motivation. By understanding this more, I believe it has helped with the synthesis of my practice, because ultimately, the thing that links all parts of my practice together is... me!
I am certainly going to check out this Ted Talk Alice! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteIts funny isn't it, that people try and tell you which colleges you should and shouldn't audition for! I was told that I might not get into the college I attended because I was too small (I'm an average 5ft5) and when I got to college there were girls both much taller and smaller than I was!
Yes we are always taught to be thick skinned and take everything with a pinch of salt, but you're right by saying it feeds your inner critic! We always tend to forget the positive comments, but any negative comments or feedback that we receive always sticks with us! I could probably list all my weaknesses more than my strengths when it comes to dancing, which is so wrong isn't it! Ok its good to be aware, but theres a fine line to being self-destructive isn't there!!
:)
Hi Emily, yes I really enjoyed the TedX Talk and found it so helpful for my learning, I hope you enjoy it too!
DeleteI understand exactly what you mean, there is so much pressure when auditioning for colleges. If we had listened to what we were told then we may never have got the chance to experience it. I am glad I went against what I was advised to do, because in the end it was incorrect information.
It's such a shame we remember the negative feedback over the positive, and I feel very similarly to you, I could list many more of my weakness than strengths. We have been trained to self critique ourselves, but many performers seem to take this way too far. It's such a shame. No wonder performers often deal with poor mental health! x
Loved this blog Alice! I think it's so true about that critic being inside you and if you give it too much power it can really do a lot of damage, but if you know how to collaborate it can push you to be better at what you're doing and what you care about!
ReplyDeleteI have the same worries about being behind everyone else or my work not being good enough, and although this can push me forwards, I think feeding only our inner critic is an unhealthy balance - we need to feed our inner cheerleader too! x
Thank you Roanne! I love how you have said we need to feed our inner cheerleader too, I often forget about her. But I completely agree with you, it's about finding the healthy balance. When this is found, we could be unstoppable! x
DeleteHi Alice,
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting blog about our inner critic. I feel like as performers it's something many of us struggle with- we are very quick to judge ourselves when we don't like something we have done, but we find it very hard to praise ourselves when we achieve something. I feel performers always push themselves for more but it's so important for us to remember the amazing things we have already got our bodies to do.
With your essay and artefact just be true to who you are, if it represents you then you are on the right path. Have faith in yourself :)
Alys x
Thank you for your words of encouragement Alys. It is such a shame that we can critique ourselves much more easily than praising ourselves. We even forget to praise ourselves on the smallest of achievements. But this is why I have been enjoying this course so much, because it has allowed me to reflect on how much we as performers have accomplished. We should be more proud of ourselves! I hope everything is going well with you! x
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